Confuse

I don’t know what should I do this time, although my self surrounded in crowded situation I am still lonely, my deep eyes look empty run off uncertainly. My ears close it self until there is a thunder strike my room but I don’t hear it. My mouth be mute, all of my body be quite like a numb.

However, my feeling is so break and my mind is death. All of my knowledge that I have gets until now like strike from great virus. When I force to think about my self, suddenly feel vibrating beat uncertainly.

“It is fate of god?” my question for imagines.

For about seven days I just think like that why my god create my self like this. But some times I also ever think that may be my god just trusts me to bring this mandate of life. Yesterday I made a poem in order to decrease my problem, may like this:

Oh Allah.
Any body bring great load than me?
Now, I not only
Poor of merciful
Poor of material
Poor of heart
Poor of religion
Poor of social
But also poor of knowledge
Oh Allah.
Do I arrogant with my poor?
Oh Allah.
Please give me shine light so that it’s not been arrogant with that poor.

I am still confused; I don’t know what’s going on. With whom I should tell on. Every body just quiets. One side, I must finish all of responsibility. But on the other side, no body supports all of my activities.

“Hello every body, in the name of humanity. Any bodies support me? Any body heir me?” my question for human in the world.

May be just for Allah I must tell on about all of load. Because very difficult to find the right man and the right place. In the disoriented period like this, we difficult to search value of loyalty among human being. (Amin Fauzi)